I recently had a conversation with a friend who is dipping her feet back into the dating pool. She's been out of the scene for something like 2 years. She dated her last boyfriend in college and had many hopes for that relationship. But she was also honest with herself about her expectations when it came to what she wanted in a partner. I feel this is important.
She expressed an interest in online dating and I and another close friend encouraged her to do this. Go about this venture, since she is in law school in a completely different city and essentially doesn't know anyone besides her flatmates and the people that she is meeting who she is in close quarters with around the neighborhood. But that's very limited considering the state of affairs today. Pandemic.
She has high hopes for the relationship that she wants to have. She has set her goal on having a partner who is supportive of her endeavors. She made this very clear to us as she vented about the troubles of online dating. And I get it because we all deserve this. A new adventure with the person who you could possibly be making a life with. The adventure of getting to that "one" is possibly the most exciting part.
Then to our shock and surprise, she made a very rash decision about a man she seemed to have a good rapport with. They got on very well via text and they seemed to be hitting it off. But then he expressed a desire to stay in a certain area of the country. Permanently. She wanted to completely cut him off because that's not in her life goals. Living in a city that she never considered.
But that's the thing. Just because this woman is treading very lightly into the dating scene, she expects for the next partner to be her end all, be all. That's fine and dandy. But she's only been dating for a relatively short amount of time, a couple of months give or take. She has only been conversing with this man for a matter of days. I honestly don't think she's met him.
The fact that we humans have become so fickle when it comes to hearing things that we don't want to hear. This leads us to make decisions that are fairly dismissive. Dismissive of a person that was obviously worth her attention for a couple of days. And now because he doesn't fit into the puzzle piece that she had shaped out or for the future “one”, she has kicked him essentially to the road with no hopes of creating something that could possibly be very good for her. For that potential.
I understand that we all have intuition and feelings about the people we talk to. We lean on that and go with those innate signals. But isn't every experience that we entertain possibly worth the potential? I'm a big proponent of intuition and feeling certain vibrations from people. But is that really something that you can gauge from a couple of days chatting with a prospective lover without even having met?
I liken this kind of experience to that of interviewing for a job. There are some things you cannot gauge from a conversation telephonically. On paper they seem like a great candidate for any position. But that very same person could possibly have no personality when in person. Or they may be really objectively not compatible with your own in person vibe.
After the intuition, our own judgments come in. I understand that, too. I may be judging my friend a bit in this instance. It just seems a little bit unfair. But ultimately it is her decision. I just do root for the underdog. The ones that always seem to be putting more effort than everyone else. They may not be able to show you the rewards of that continuous effort, but they show up even when no one else dares. I wish that she would give him a chance.
**UPDATE: He kind of turned out to be one of those guys that can never be accountable for his actions. The boo hoo its every one else's fault.
-C'mon dude I was rooting for you!
See, it is good to trust your intuition.
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